Another day another dollar

I have been trying to save up for a holiday for six months. Was going really well until christmas and my car broke down.... but now thanks to Mr Rudd I am intrending to stimulate the economy of Thailand in the next 12 months Yay!

With $1180 in the bank i can afford the airfares and now it is time for the passport, accomodation and of course some spending money.

I really want to just relax but also do some fun things. A fre friends of mine have gone over in the past 6 months and some of the pics that have come back have been amazing. I want to ride on an elephant, and i have actually found one site that allowed you to stay in the elephant compound and help out.

The other thing... other than money that i need before I go over is the ability to be happy in my own skin. I want to be able to buy a swimsuit and to be able to walk around in a sarong or shorts, instead of a long skirt or pants all the time.

I want to be able to come home with a tan and having really enjoyed myself and not having the thought that i missed out on something because I was too uncomfortable or too fat to do it.

Soooo after having an absolutely horrendus eating day today when i went out for lunch and had a roast, then portugese tart, then half a block of white chocolate, then eggs on toast for dinner and 5 teaspoons of nutella, i think tomorrow really needs to be the day that i stop kidding myself.

Who cares if the guy i like, doesn't like me and goes for tall skinny pretty women. That is no reason to make myself absolutely massive in protest. Nor is it a reason to make myself skinny in hope he will want me. BUT it is a reason to recognise that my mind is too focused on what he wants and not enough on what i want for myself.

Secondly i know that chocolate and all that makes me sleepy, the sugar effects my body so severely that I have to sleep to cope and that means leaving Will to his own devices. Will is only 6 and deserves to have a mother that doesn't need to sleep for 2 hours in the afternoon.

thirdly my excuse that I cann't afford to loose weight is silly. I know what the good things are to eat. I also have the ability to look at labels, count calories or points, to not buy the crap that neither will nor i need to eat. I will stop blaming not getting onto the Biggest looser, or having heaps of money for trainers or gym membership.

So i will sit down and make a plan, i will start organising our eating and sorting out what I want, I will stop thinking about everyone else.

so 105kg and 171cms.... Lets see how I can do this! Because I can do this!