Frustration to the max

So frustrated... I am still at home, still trying to belong to fit in and to help.
I want so much to be a part of this "family" which I was born into but it really doesn't matter what I say or do it will never be said in the right way, it will never be done properly unless I take input from someone else.

Small things such as putting a bow onto my shoes to make them more weddingified, I was happy to do it my way knowing that Mum is busy, but no... my way wasn't good enough and now it has been taken over and Mum will have to do it because I have no idea how. The effect will be basically the same but now I don't do it and there is another thing on her plate...... But when i asked if she could put a colour in my hair this afternoon, something I can't do "cleanly" by myself, I was told she didn't have time, that she was too tired etc.... WTF

Then in an effort to be involved, and to possibly make life a little easier I questioned if the church would not have a CD player and was yelled at like a 5 year old, because I was questioning "every little thing".... but all I was thinking was it was strange that the church would not have a CD player, not a problem if they didn't but it was just one more thing that needed to be done that might not have to be.

So now, I yelled and ranted and screamed and told them to bugger off and that I would no longer give my opinion and if something went wrong or wasn't done and I had thought of it they would be sorry.... And NOW I feel like a 2 year old!
xoxo

4 sleeps to go.